What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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