i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
