i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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