on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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