It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
