I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
