How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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