I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We need to get me chipped asap
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
