Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
