____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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