Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm drive I can fine osifer
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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