Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
