i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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