i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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