New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
