im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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