I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
