I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
