Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
