Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
