After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
