Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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