If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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