Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
God, I missed his penis.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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