I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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