mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
