we have officially lost it.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
