I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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