I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
