if i can run in heels then i can drive
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
