I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't turn off my feet"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
