and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm like, not good at living.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
