how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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