Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
