Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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