Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
two words...techno handjob
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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