I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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