TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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