I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I had your ass I would rule the world
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
