Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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