I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
