...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
