ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
