The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
