i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
