Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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