If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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