my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
