I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
where are you?
Hypothermia
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
