just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
