But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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