Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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