If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
