I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
