I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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