I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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