Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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