DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
