Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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