May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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