I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
