maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
