Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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