This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
