My first STD was from a foam party
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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