just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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