Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize