I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
