the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
