wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
