I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
