If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
