Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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