High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
